Marriage relationships sometimes can be a complex institution! In order to improve the relationship and the quality of a marriage, it helps to take a systematic look at how it is functioning.

Ask yourself the following questions and you can use the results as a general guide for evaluating your marital satisfaction.

I am:

1. Pleased with the amount we talk to each other. __
2. Happy with the friends we share in common. __
3. In agreement with the amount of time you or we spend at work and at home. __
4. In agreement with the way we are spending money. __
5. Pleased with the kind of parent you are. (This refers to the way your spouse interacts with the children.) __
6. Of the opinion that you are "on my team." __
7. Pleased with our leisure time together (e.g., sports, vacations, outings, etc.) __
8. Basically in agreement with your outlook on life (e.g., values, attitudes, religious beliefs, politics, etc.) __
9. Generally pleased with the way you relate to members of your own family. (This refers to your spouse's parents, siblings, etc.) __
10. Satisfied with the way you relate to members of my family. (This refers to your own parents, siblings, …) __
11. Satisfied with our personal intimate relationship. __
12. Pleased with your general habits, mannerisms, and overall appearance. __

That's it — now let’s add up your total score:

After each question below write down the number that most closely approximates your present feelings about your marriage or your spouse. On a scale of one to 10, 10 is "pleased," 5 is "half yes/half no," and 0 is "not pleased."
• 84 and more means that you have a VERY GOOD marriage.
• Between 72-83 reflects SATISFACTORY to GOOD feelings and interactions.
• A score of 61-71 suggests that you need to make some basic changes.
• Below 60 indicates a POOR level of marital satisfaction.

I believe that most marriages can be improved so that couples can experience more joy than grief in their life. People who believe that nothing can be done to improve a bad marriage are usually incorrect. It is difficult, but not impossible, to transform a poor marriage into a good one.

Most couples that have very low levels of satisfaction don't seek help — they head straight for the lawyers! So before you do that, consult with someone, go to family counseling, a psychologist or marriage counseling. If, after all the counseling, you’ve reached the point that you feel that the situation has no hope, seek a mediator.